The Cost of Trust: Including Parents in the Sunday School Process
The key to a fruitful youth ministry in any context, be it Sunday School, Youth, or Children's Ministry, is to take a holistic approach that includes parents and guardians. To be completely transparent, working with parents is not always easy. Some parents will appreciate everything you do, while others will sometimes criticize everything you do. In my experience, some of the most challenging parents need to know that you care about their kids. I'll never forget one of the most demanding parents I ever had to deal with, Mike. Mike was a good man with a strong work ethic, and he never missed a chance to keep you accountable for all things youth ministry. Mike had several students of different ages in our youth ministry, and at first, I couldn't stand him. I felt like he was always getting in the way and slowing things down, and I wasn't the only one on our pastoral staff at the time who thought so. I would dread seeing his name appear on my home screen and dread even more when he asked to grab a coffee. It seemed like there was always a critique or a complaint with a strong undertone of distrust as if our youth ministry was not in capable hands.
That all changed one night when one of his children was involved in an accident, and we stayed together until around 4 am until things settled down. We talked about life, family, everything, but the most important thing about that night wasn't the topic of discussion. In the middle of the night, when it wasn't convenient, he saw a youth worker who truly cared about his family. From then on, Mike was an asset and a friend in the church. His interest in the ministry didn't change, nor should it have, but the underlying doubt that was once there was replaced by optimism and trust. Tennis great Arthur Ashe said, "Trust has to be earned, and should only come after the passage of time." No church worker, from the Lead Pastor to the Sunday School teacher, should ever depend too heavily on their title as a basis of trust for those they serve. Here are three keys youth workers can use to earn parents' trust.
Show up to the away game when it's not convenient.
One of the easiest wins I earned in youth ministry happened almost by accident and poor planning. I promised a student I would attend one of her volleyball games. The problem was that I had missed the final home game, and there were only away options left. I had a choice: I could devise an excuse for why I couldn't make it to the game, which would have been easy and understandable, or I could give up an afternoon and drive 45 minutes to show up for this young lady. I made the right choice, got to the game, sat with her parents, and spent time building relationships with them. I didn't realize how impactful showing up to an away game would be. Away games have become my favorite time to show up as a youth worker because as many familiar faces don't surround the parents, and the ones who are there are the ones who are invested. It's also incredibly impactful when a student looks up into a crowd of unfamiliar faces and sees the handful of people who traveled to see them in action.
Talk about what is going on in Class
Any good parent will be curious about what their children are learning in any class, be it school, church, or extracurricular activities, and they want to hear from their students' influencers. Recently, I had lunch with one of my youth leaders, who is also a parent, and I always make it a point to ask my leaders what they think we could be doing better in our student ministry. He told me very candidly that he felt we could better communicate the details of upcoming events, Wednesday night services, and youth retreats. We have a weekly email that goes out, and we're very active on social media, but I tend to agree with him. The truth is all those details were sitting on my desk. We plan all our retreats nearly a year in advance and a teaching calendar that extends into the following year. There is no reason we couldn't make that information public to our parents. At the beginning of the year, we decided to print all of our events, dates, and associated costs on a magnet that will hopefully stick around all year.
Be Yourself and Be Transparent
“Some of the most significant issues that arise in Youth Ministry are because of leaders placed in roles that their character has disqualified them from.”
It certainly should not be a requirement that a Sunday School teacher is an extravert; in fact, many of the strongest leaders in our youth ministry are introverts, including my wife. She is excellent at building strong, one-on-one relationships. Pastors who limit their leadership team to a group of extroverts severely hinder their team's ability to reach a variety of people. It must be clear that although you might be introverted, you should not be a mystery. The same should also be said for extroverts. Many extroverts can hide behind their personality, but character should be evident and apparent before you step into the role of youth worker or Sunday School teacher. Some of the most significant issues that arise in Youth Ministry are because of leaders placed in roles that their character has disqualified them from. If you're looking for an entry-level volunteer position in the church, Sunday School teaching is probably not for you. This is a ministry in that you must have a certain amount of equity built up within the congregation at some level. At Park West Church, we're fortunate in our student ministry to have an excellent team of volunteers who have gone through quite a process to volunteer and serve our young people, but our team is not fully staffed. We could be easily, but we are highly conscious of who we allow to influence our students.
Taking and applying each of these keys will allow any youth leader to begin building a solid foundational relationship with parents and guardians that will maximize the classroom's impact.
